Hair Care Gayness Indicator Scale

Dear Dr. Heather,
All my guy friends make fun of me. They say I have too many products in the shower/bathtub area. Mainly hair and skin products, but they say a straight man only needs a bar of soap. How many products can one man use in the shower before he is considered gay? Thanks for your guidance, Doctor.
Puzzled about Products on Pasadena

Dear Puzzled,
I have a scale that I use to determine one's gayness in relation to hair care products. You should try it. It's called the hair care gayness indicator scale. For men, if you use 1-2 products you are probably not gay, 3-4 products you may be gay or just a metrosexual, and 5-6 products, you are most likely gay. For women, it's the other way around. I hope this helps clear things up.
Sincerely,
Heather