Saturday, February 8, 2014

Olympic Sweater Snafu

Dear Heather,
I was watching the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics last night and I couldn't help but notice the U.S. team had the most hideous jackets out of all the delegations. No one has mentioned it so I feel really alone in this. I wanted to reach out to you at this time because you offer consolation, even when it seems none is possible.

Dear Yolanda,
Rest easy-I share your sentiments. Those sweater-jackets were the most gaudy things I've seen in a long time. And they reminded me how the U.S. of A. can often overdo it on an international scale. Usually it's with foreign policy, but this time it was fashion. Thanks for sharing your pain and know that I am always here for you.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Government Conspiracy

Dear Heather,
I hang out at a cafe where individuals sit for hours sharing hand rolled cigarettes and deep philosophical thoughts about tattoos, immigration reform, and government conspiracies. What gives?
Santa Fe, NM

This can happen anywhere. Pass the smokes.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Metal Detection

Dear Heather,
I recently saw a commercial that claimed, and I quote, "metal detecting is becoming one of the fastest growing hobbies in America." Do you think this is true? What are your thoughts?
Valencia County, New Mexico

Hi Cory,
I find this claim puzzling. Metal detecting is not a hobby, it is scavenging for items left behind from others.
Kind regards,

Saturday, December 1, 2012

My Little Pony

Dear Heather,
Why have "The Smurfs" and "My Little Pony" enjoyed such a resurgence in popularity?
Dallas, TX

Dear Lisa,
Both "The Smurfs" and "My Little Pony" represent the fantastical world of childhood that many adults and children love. Living in a dreamland of blue nymphs and plastic ponies is quite natural for Americans passing on 1980s pop cultural traditions to their offspring-a tribute to their own nostalgic coming of age.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Defending Money

Dear Heather,
Yesterday I stayed home all day defending my money. It was really boring. Any tips for making saving more fun?
Portland, OR

Hi Michael,
Thank you for your question. This is on everyone's minds. Let's face it in a capitalist economy, just stepping out the front door costs money. But this doesn't have to be a bummer. Step out the door anyway and go out for a hike in nature, ride your bike, write a story, or photograph your favorite things. You will be rewarded for your creativity and feel wealth beyond measure.

Monday, October 1, 2012


Dear Heather,
I have 48 cents left on my (e-purchase only) Visa gift card. I’d like to put this amount toward my purchase of “The Incredible Melting Man” Blue-ray on Amazon, but they do not accommodate more than one credit card per purchase. I am not a millionaire and would like to be able to use every cent from my gift card-and ideally would like to use it to help pay for this amazing new DVD release. How do you think I should move forward on this?
Dallas, TX

Dear Bradley, 
I hope I am not too late in responding to this important, time-sensitive issue. Let’s be honest—having a gift card is a good position to be in. That’s because you have choices. Quick question-will they accept a debit card in addition to the gift card, or does the rule apply to all plastic? If so, I would recommend using your debit card in tandem with the gift card to secure your copy of “The Incredible Melting Man.” If this is not possible, you could also consider getting a less expensive DVD that costs 48 cents or less.
Best of luck with your online shopping,

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Jack Daniels

Dear Heather,
Which is more healthy-vodka or whiskey?
Dallas, TX

Dear Rez,
This is a difficult question. I think doctors would say that both vodka and whiskey pose health risks. However, from personal experience I know that too much whiskey can lead to unexpected struggles with other humans.  Unforeseen interpersonal conflicts otherwise dormant can be ignited with one too many Jack and Cokes, often times with irreparable damage. Tread carefully with the sour mash.