Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Chupacabra Nearby

Dear Heather,
There's a chupacabra on the ship. What should we do?
Somewhere at sea, Atlantic Ocean

Dear Bob,
There are a few things you can try, but mainly I would just suggest shooting it. Running from it hasn't really worked out for most passengers. Once it gets a hold of you, it's pretty much all downhill from there. The animal tends to drain the blood of its victims almost immediately. If you have a firearm, get it out and shoot the goat-sucker several times in the chest or in the head if you can. That should take care of it.

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