Unicorn Drama

Dear Heather,
When my special lady is away I will often take out her crystal unicorn collection and act out elaborate story lines. Sometimes I will lose an entire weekend to these labyrinthian dramas. My special lady has not been leaving the house as frequently lately so I have started journaling about my unicorn friends almost daily. In the most recent plot thread, some of the unicorns are thinking about coming alive at night and using their magical powers to make my special lady disappear. I won't go into specifics, but certain recent events have led me to believe that my journal entries might soon become reality! How do I get Simone (the most cruel and sexually insatiable of the unicorn royals) to give up the golden scepter so that Ken (her half-brother) can use the gribble key to lock up all the unicorns plotting my lady's death/disappearance. I appreciate any advice you could give me regarding this sticky situation.
Sincerely,
Hans, Amsterdam

Dear Hans,
You really do have a situation on your hands here. I would recommend to you and your unicorn friends the same conflict resolution methods I mention to all my clients. Even in fantasy worlds, people get their feelings hurt and they need a mediator to help dispel the heightened emotional energy. Simone must be tamed and it think it's going to require a professional.
Sincerely,
Heather